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[When he's shaken off, Tenka winces.

Is Sousei mad at him too? Tenka wouldn't blame him. More than anything else, Tenka knows that he's not one to dictate another person's feelings or actions. Tenka has always been strikingly independent, someone that would do what they pleased always - but by asking Sousei to not hurt Shirasu before and having Sousei agree, it's restricting his partner's freedom.

And when Sousei admits that he thought of them as his parents too, Tenka's face crumples and it feels like his heart's being crushed. Sousei never said that - he never called Taiko 'Father' but always 'Sensei'. But he remembers Dadpatting Sousei's head or picking him up so easily and he remembers Mom chastising Sousei just the same as she did Tenka - with firmness and so much love it was suffocating.

It's why Tenka was so angry at Shirasu. Tenka's never felt fury on his own behalf but it wasn't only his childhood that was taken from him. Soramaru, Chuutarou, Sousei, and Kiiko - they all suffered too.

But Sousei and Kiiko had moved on separately from Tenka. He never had a chance to take care of them and never did, knowing that he could never give them the same sense of direction that leading the Yamainu would. Yet as he's sitting here, watching his partner struggle and become overcome with emotions, he refuses to be motionless for long.

So even though he was shaken off earlier, he's determined now as he wraps his arms around Sousei and pulls him into a hug, as if that'd hold the broken pieces of his partner's composure together.]

I know.

[He struggles for words, not sure what to say. He couldn't even comfort himself, how could he manage to help Sousei?]

They loved you.

[Tenka shuts his eyes as his fingers cling onto the fabric of Sousei's clothes. Don't shake him off again, partner.]

I'm sorry.

[For letting their murderer into his house and then into his heart. For never telling Sousei for years and then telling him all at once. For everything that was his fault and then some.

He's sorry for everything.]

[He's never said it, because he never really felt the right to claim them as his family. He was the little Abe kid that they adopted--pulled into their family not because he was a pawn, as he'd thought, but because he was a lonely little child who had nobody else. Sousei had always thought that so long as he could stand on his own, it would be fine. So long as one person remained standing in the end, he could continue. He would depend only on himself, and live life that way--until it was his time to die.

Then this infuriating man before him, once a kid, gave him something to live for. The Kumou parents gave him a warm and loving family. He had Tenka, and Kiiko, and the Yamainu, and he wasn't a pawn and he wasn't alone.

Numbly, he allows Tenka to hug him, though he doesn't move his arms to hug him back--he doesn't shake him off either. Sousei is certain that at some point, everything will properly sink in--he'll understand everything that Tenka has and is telling him, and he'll have to decide what he's going to do about Shirasu then.

How does one live with one's parents' murderer living right there, healthy, free and unrestricted? Maybe there isn't a right answer to that question. Maybe they have to cope in the only way they can. Sousei doesn't know yet how he'll cope...but he will. He has to. There's no question about it, as much of a sudden bombshell as this was, there are still things they both have to do.

He takes a slow breath, staring past Tenka's shoulder at the wall behind him. He'd always known that they'd been murdered. The scene was unmistakeable. But now...now he has an explanation for the tragedy that had been so, so confusing for so long, and...he's not sure if it's better or not (it is better, it's infinitely better to know, no matter how much it hurts).]

... ["They loved you", Tenka says, and that's agonizing too, because he'd loved them too, in his own way. Eight years had been enough to convince him of that love, and Taiko had been so confident in him, so certain that he would grow to be someone that his master would be proud of.

He lets out a shuddering breath then, but there aren't any words he can come up with, and even if there were, no words seem to be able to escape his throat nonetheless. Instead, slowly, hesitantly, his arms come up to mimic Tenka's hold, if much, much more loosely. He's not alone right now, no, and that's important to remember. He'd promised Kumou-sensei that he would act as Tenka's support all those years ago. He's not going to break that promise either.

So he will try to be support, even as he's still reeling even now. He needs just a moment more to gather together his composure and figure out just what he's going to do with that information from here. Just...another moment.]

[It's too much. It's far, far too much.

Tenka has been on an emotional roller coaster ever since Sousei told him that there were Fuuma twins. In the course of a day, he'd gone from laughing and lecturing children to bantering with his partner to actually confronting Shirasu in terms of all the pain and suffering he'd had to go through. There's nothing about Tenka that's stable in this moment.

He would often laugh when he wanted to cry but when faced with the first tragedy of his life, the one that stole not only his parents but also his mobility, his squad, and his dreams from him, he can't laugh. There's nothing funny and even though they're fine now, there is still too much sadness. He can feel himself slowly crumbling underneath all of it, the tears prickling at his eyes even as he tries to be there for Sousei.

Yet when he feels Sousei return the hug, hesitant and slow as he is, it's the last of Tenka's own tenuous hold on his calm.

His forehead rests on Sousei's shoulder again, just as it had when he first came in, and his fingers curl that much tighter around his clothes. The hug becomes Tenka clinging onto the one person in this world that understands his pain and came back to him after a decade of separation. Taiko and Koyuki aren't here anymore, they can't support him or tell him when he's right or wrong or hold him when he's upset. Sousei can.

So his shoulders shake even as he clings tighter onto his partner, tears escaping his eyes silently. There's nothing shameful about crying, he'd said for so long, but after years of laughing even when he felt his heart about to break, he's out of practice.

This is what has become of your boys, Mom and Dad.]

[This is what has become of their boys. A little more tragic, a little more broken, and lacking in things they once had. But back together now. And trying their hardest to make things right, and to save their family, their home, and everything that matters.

Would they be proud? Surely, they wouldn't be disgusted by their inability to take care of their killer. They'd always been too kind for that. Surely.

And so Sousei sighs softly, even as Tenka clings tighter, even as the dams finally break and Tenka is able to finally cry. He'd been trying so hard, hadn't he? To plaster a smile on it. Even right after, when Tenka had said he was leaving the Yamainu, there'd been that damnable, broken smile. Sousei hated that expression--and still, he hates it. He knows they were both taught the same things...that they should smile when they're happy, cry when they're sad, and embrace their emotions with everything they had.

But Tenka was so bad at that, after their parents' death.

And Sousei had never been good at it at all.

His breath hitches as well, but crying does not and never will come easily to him, and he doesn't. Instead, slowly, he closes his eyes, and remains exactly in the same position, loosely grasping Tenka in return as he clings to him like a lifeline. And maybe this, too, is what Taiko had meant when he'd said that Tenka would need him.

(And he needs Tenka too... but Taiko had probably always known that, too.)

Still, it's Tenka's pain and Tenka's tears that help Sousei drag back together the pieces of his composure, because he'd always known--someone has to stay standing, with their head held high, always. There must always be someone.]

["Let it all out. Cry and grow stronger."

When they encountered sadness and unfairness as children, Tenka would always throw a fit over it. He'd wipe away his tears as if they were shameful in front of his father and he would be told that to cry is to be human. Then, even if he was sniffling and sobbing afterward, Tenka would cry. There was never any scolding over it, because his parents were kind people who were expressive and affectionate and loud and lived every moment of their lives with everything they had.

Tenka misses them. Tenka never stopped missing them from the day he walked into the room and found them both dead. But instead of crying and mourning, letting the process happen, he got caught up in duty. He had to shove the Yamainu out of his life to get them to grow without him. He had to take care of his brothers. He had to become the Head of the Kumou at 14 years old and watch over Shiga.

He had to cry too, but he never let himself have time for that until now.

Now that his partner's forgiven him again and the Orochi is officially dead and Soramaru is grown and Kiiko talks to him and their small family is growing yet again, he's letting himself cry.

Mom and Dad's murderer was Tenka's best friend. Shirasu was only a bit older than him as well and Tenka should hate him. Tenka should want him to be confined and in the Condemned Prison Gate, thinking about his sins and how many lives he's ruined. But after getting one good punch in, Tenka let him go.

Because ten years was more than enough time for Tenka to care about Shirasu and even now it's hard for him to reconcile that the only other person he's confided in besides Sousei was also the one to ruin his life. Tenka knows that he should hate him, that he should never want to see him again, but... he still doesn't know how to hate. That was never something that his parents taught him. Even for the Orochi, to kill the vessel was never an act of heroics for Taiko. It was not out of hate for the poor soul that was chosen - but rather to save them.

Even as Tenka's eyes run out of tears and he's left taking shaky breaths against his partner's shoulder, he still wonders if he's doing the right thing, trying to save Shirasu instead of seeking revenge.

But even if it's not, he has a sinking feeling he won't be able to bring himself to do anything else but this.

It's just how he's always been.]

[As Tenka's breaths calm, Sousei takes a slow breath of his own. That time had been enough for him to gather his composure, and now...now he's as composed as he'll ever be after that information, he supposes. It still hurts, but that seems about right to him--it should hurt. They were family, after all.

This is what family feels like, in his admittedly somewhat limited experience.

Quietly, Sousei lifts his chin, reaching a decision. He does not move otherwise, because he does not feel the need to pull away again. He's resolved now, and resolved makes it easier to deal with all of the consequences that he now faces. This is all he has left. The Yamainu, as much as he keenly misses them, are not here. They are his proper family, but they are not here.

Tenka, however, is.

Really, with that in mind, there's only one thing he can say. His voice is steady, if a little hoarse (unshed tears, perhaps, or just from the struggle he'd had with remembering how to breathe).]

I made a promise. I intend to keep it.

[He won't go after Shirasu. He'd promised Tenka that before, and he will keep it now. Because their parents would not have wanted revenge. Because it means very little here. But most of all, because he promised, and promises don't change just because the circumstances did.]

[Tenka winces faintly at that, even as he doesn't really move. His grip on Sousei looses as he calms down, though he doesn't pull away. Rather, he just slumps and puts more of his weight on Sousei than anything. Nothing will really beat the tiredness that he feels in this moment, between all the unbearably emotional decisions that he's had to make today and how he still has no idea where he completely stands with Shirasu.]

.... sorry. [He can only imagine Sousei's anger, not even tempered by the reluctant affection that Tenka still feels for Shirasu.] For what it's worth, I might've broken his jaw.

[Or at the very least, it was definitely already bruising pretty badly by the time Tenka left him.

But even as he keeps his head on Sousei's shoulder and sighs, Tenka just mumbles.]

Just... don't get hurt, whatever you decide to do.

[Shirasu deserves whatever's coming to him - Tenka knows that. Especially in the eyes of the Yamainu Captain, probably. But Tenka trusts Sousei not to fatally injure Shirasu - he just wouldn't accept it if Sousei got hurt in return.]

[Honestly... now Tenka thinks he'll accept leeway on promises? Now, after everything they've been through and how hard it has been for them to come together again and now that they're finally understanding each other again? Sousei knows Tenka knows him better than that. Sousei doesn't accept compromises when he can successfully manage the original conditions. He knows this is just Tenka trying to fix things, but...]

I've already told you what I've decided to do.

[Namely...keeping his promise. Alternatively known as: collectively doing nothing unless Shirasu really, really provokes him into it. Honestly.

(It is kind of satisfying to know that Tenka broke his jaw, though...)]

And I've already told you that I will not be injured. [He's totally still invincible, calm down, partner.]

[Tenka's constantly trying to fix his own mistakes and he can't deny that ultimately asking Sousei to let their parents' murderer walk around with consequence would typically fall within the general realm of things considered a 'mistake'.

But honestly, that invincible attitude is kind of annoying. Annoying enough that Tenka scoffs - which is quickly followed by a yawn, because he's tired - and honestly.]

Yeah, yeah, act all high and mighty when you were gasping like a fish ten minutes ago. Whatever you say, Sousei-kun.

[are you kidding him right now

Sousei scowls at that, properly shoving Tenka off of him now.]

Shut up!

[Mistake or not, it is what it is, but seriously man, that was a bombshell you dropped on him earlier.]

[Rude as hell!

But that's Tenka getting shoved off and flopping on the floor. Except he's still about five years old so he's just going to kick at Sousei in return and hissing-]

You're gonna wake the kids....!

[are you two okay]

[They're never okay.

Primly, Sousei turns away from Tenka and picks up his tea which has...thoroughly gone cold.

Shhh.]

It's your fault.

[still ducking responsibility even 10+ years later, ah yes.]

[no it's not his fault

you know what is his fault?

the fact that he's reaching over now to lift the bottom of sousei's tea cup higher to get it to spill on him

he'll accept that as his fault]

[...aslkndlkanslda??????

????????

oh my god Tenka are you for real. The tea is thankfully lukewarm at best, but then his nightclothes are dripping wet... good thing he thought to tie his hair back before, honestly.

He manages to right the cup before too much spills, but he's still wet, and he immediately aims a punch at Tenka's head.

MORON.]

[In all honesty he was laughing so hard that he didn't even notice and that punch is hitting him at full force.

But aside from the initial 'ow!' and Tenka's return to the floor he's still just.... laughing. And he's laughing so hard that he's really not making any noise (which is probably a slight conscious effort on his part because it is late and who's the one gasping for air now, Tenka?

he's clutching his stomach in laughter anyway and having a laugh as if he wasn't openly crying for the first time in years just minutes ago

he has a feeling they'll be okay]

[They will definitely be okay--whether it's the partner understanding they share, or just that he's having the same thoughts, as Sousei watches Tenka gasp for air on the floor, he knows that that's the case as well.

Slowly, he lets out a breath that he'd had in him for who knows how long, all of the tension draining away in his shoulders as he does. There are still a lot of issues to be resolved, but...

They'll be okay. He moves to stand.]

I'm going to get cleaned up and go to bed. [mess-maker.]

[Tenka settles in his laughter then, amused and still grinning at Sousei as he moves to get up.]

It's okay, Sousei. I won't tell anyone that you don't know how to breathe or drink sometimes.

[but as he gets up, he chooses not to move from the table for a time, even as a calm smile curls itself on his lips. He'll probably go to bed eventually.]

[He's picking up the cups of tea (Tenka's as well, it's cold now, if he wants more he can make more) and carries them towards the kitchen, though as he passes Tenka by on the floor, he nudges him with his foot.

Jerk.]

Stop being ridiculous. How old are you?

[you act like you did when they were both 8.]

Younger than you, as always. How old are you now? 90-something?

[but he doesn't move even when nudged with Sousei's foot. instead he fixes his gaze on the ceiling and sends the insults right back Sousei's way.

This is easy. His partnership with Sousei has always been this level of easy once they stopped being upset with each other.

Why can't everything be this easy?]

[And Sousei pauses in that bickering to clean up the mess and put the cups away. It gives him a moment in the kitchen to breathe, hands planted on the (rather foreign) countertop. He takes a slow breath, staring down at the cups in the sink. The kitchen is one of those places they've left as it is. They didnt change things, complex as things can be.

It sure pushes the impact further, how strange this entire situation is. It was and still is a lot of information to take in but... After a long moment and another deep breath, he starts to move again, picking up and cleaning the cups, putting them away neatly and tidily. At least the chores are brainless enough to allow him to settle again.

Another deep breath, and then he returns to the living room, looking at the sprawled form of his partner. He wants to ask if Tenka is alright too but... In a way the mood is too somber from the both of them.]

[Without the bickering, Tenka is left with his thoughts and the sounds of Sousei in the kitchen. In his mind, he does a mental checklist of all the people he holds dear in this world. Sousei's in the kitchen. Soramaru and Nishiki are asleep in their own rooms. Kagemitsu has his own place with Gerokichi. The multitude of teenagers and children that Tenka's picked up and the Shinsengumi are in their own homes, presumably.

... Shirasu's out there somewhere and he's probably just as lost as Tenka feels. Tenka honestly wishes that he didn't care.

When Sousei returns to the living room and looks at him, Tenka just raises a brow in response.

He doesn't feel like crying anymore and it feels less like he's suffocating. He thinks that those are improvements.]

[And in response, Sousei crosses his arms. Well. Tenka doesn't look as terrible as he did. That has to count for something. And he himself, even if he still feels a little adrift, he's not as badly off as he was before. It's a tolerable ache, instead of feeling like he can't breathe.

And then after that moment's inspection, he shakes his head once, one eyebrow arched. Honestly, Tenka. And then he moves towards his room to clean himself up, like he had said he would.

Goodnight Tenka.]

[That much manages to get Tenka to snort softly, amused. In truth... he doesn't know what else to say. The rest of his conversation with Shirasu had been more of Tenka's attempts to get to know the man. He has a feeling that Sousei would appreciate being spared more of that.

So instead he sighs and relaxes against the tatami mat, still looking up at the ceiling.]

Night, partner.

[Then a little bit more softly, he adds-]

... Thanks.

[For being around, for being his partner, for cleaning up - who knows.]

Edited 2015-01-13 01:19 (UTC)

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