deontology | IC » Character Inbox

[ does she....

she wouldn't tell him about the fact she's searched up recipes. the surprising familiarity she's had with some dishes, others... not so much, but she's tried. there's been failures and successes and-- some things in between, one dish she's unsure about sitting in the fridge as it soaks up flavor. to be honest, she's a little unsure about it, mostly because she's never tried it.

but all she really needs to do is heat it up. it's a stew, and this isn't about distracting herself with ingredients and cutting boards and. everything. she doesn't know if it's what he's used to, but it's japanese. it-- doesn't have chicken in it. it has fish. and it is served alongside rice... she thinks. isn't that what he said he was used to?

mainly, this is all to push down that front of i'm fine.

so, she types the easiest thing she's typed in this entire conversation: ]

i have some oden i was preparing.
and some karashi that its apparently supposed to be served with. no wasabi. how's that?

[ milla honestly has no idea if karashi falls under "flavor he does not like" like wasabi does, but. she'll make something else if that's the case, or if he's not familiar with this.

this is all so they can both stop being idiots.

fine. ]

[He blinks down at the text for a long, long moment.

Oden. Karashi. No wasabi.

There's no way for her to know, naturally, that karashi is his favorite, but then there it is. She made it anyway, and he doesn't know what to think of it.

She called his bluff (and why has she made all of this? Is that what friends do? If so, he's been a rather remiss friend.).

He sighs, because there's no way he can get out of this now, and honestly...? He doesn't want to. He doesn't have to take care of Milla in Tenka's absence like the others. There'd be no sense of gloom.]

i'm on my way

[He gets up, and he starts to walk, because there's no point in second guessing it now, and honestly--well karashi is his favorite flavor.]

don't be late.

[ so, it's fine.

well, no, she doesn't know that yet. theoretically it's fine. but that's something, so she gets to preparing the rice and getting out the clay pot from the fridge, opening the lid as she places it on the stove. konnyaku, fish cakes, fish balls, bean curd, carrot, daikon, dried seaweed--there's so much in there that she has no idea how this is going to turn out, but it's fine.

it isn't like she'd been particularly preparing this for him (though, in some ways, she had--because he's the one that put the idea into her head that she should get familiar with japanese food, and in some ways he's the reason that she continued doing so), but now she is.

milla keeps busy as she waits, and when sousei makes it to her door, she'll open it after remembering to hide that cookbook on japanese food she'd left laying on the table. ]

[He won't be late.

In fact, he leaves immediately, tucking his CereVice away without another word on the matter. He's dressed casually (he's running out of clothes, actually, especially after the Cake Batter incident), but otherwise his appearance is as kept as ever. He doesn't have the time to be sloppy, after all.

It takes him a little bit to get there, of course, but when he does he knocks simply, and when she lets him in, he blinks; it smells--well, it smells a lot like home.]

... Good afternoon. [ahem, yes, politeness, they can do the politeness thing, maybe.

Conversation is hard.]

[ sousei is as sousei as always.

it's... not surprising, really, that even though she knows he's not doing well he still very much acts like he is, and if she didn't have that nagging her in the back of her head she'd think this was just him coming over as he always had, lightheartedly (also, she's relieved he didn't show up missing an arm).

but at least they're still well enough to be awkward and. polite, in his case. she reminds herself what the point of this is.

when did she become a do-gooder? ]

... Hey.

[ yep. conversation is indeed still hard. ]

Sit down. It'll be done soon.

[No missing arms. No injuries at all, honestly; they got lucky, Sousei knows. They were rather helpless as they were, with two blind and two deaf people stuck like rats in a maze, but...

There were no monsters. There were no guards. Just them and their own incompetence.

It does grate a little, even so. So he obeys her quietly (for once), taking a seat easily enough; while he doesn't spend a lot of time at Milla's apartment, he has spent time there before, more so when his floor is being unbelievably rowdy than anything.

At least the familiarity makes the silence a little less awkward (a little).]

Very well then. [A pause...and she doesn't look hurt at all, she looks just fine, and it confirms what he suspected.] You did not go on any of those tours, then.

[His lips quirk slightly, wry.]

A sensible choice.

[ there's no need to linger in the kitchen when all she's making is rice and reheating the stew, so she takes her spot beside him, still unsure how to go about this. the conversation moves back to the tour and she's grateful, in a way, that she won't have to fumble with her uncertainty in bringing that back up--but it also means she's left to think about the fact that she wasn't there, she had no idea, and sousei's worse off than she thought.

and she should think about that, so maybe there's nothing bad in this after all. besides the obvious. ]

One that I thought you would've made. [ ... ] In the end, it was probably just luck.

[ she admits. though the more appropriate thing is, perhaps, hoped he would've made. she can't be surprised that he didn't, because he's sousei. and maybe if they weren't under new management she would've come along. yet there was new, she finds herself wishing maybe they were back under vincere (lesser of two evils), instead of some granny who (very luckily) dangled a very dangerous offer in front of her and made it very apparent that she knew way more than she should. and so she didn't go.

she trusts ceres even less now.

milla's gaze falls to the table. ]

... But that also meant I wasn't able to help.

[ that she had no idea about what sousei went through. ]

[It's the choice that he should've made, and he can admit that much (in the privacy of his own mind, at least). He was reckless. He wanted information about what had happened to Tenka, and about this place, and wanted to feel less helpless.

And it yielded...what? Practically nothing.

Danger for basically no gain at all, at the bidding of a shadowy organization that has their own profit in mind. Why does that sound just so familiar? It tastes bitter on his tongue, and even the delicious smells from the kitchen can't overpower that.]

No, you made the correct decision. It is better that you were not also there.

[He folds his arms, crossing them slowly and solemnly. It's not like this is an easy admittance for anyone, but...]

We weren't helpless due to our skill or lack of it. The scenario had been laid out, and there was nothing we could do about it. Having more people there would have simply meant more people to be placed in the same situation.

[And he wouldn't wish that feeling of helplessness on Milla in a million years--he's happier that she was safe, if nothing else. Because goodness knows Sousei's not used to feeling completely helpless himself, and yet...

Well, he's getting a crash course in it lately, isn't he?]

[ the correct decision. and so, sousei thinks he's made the wrong one, and he's admitting that quite clearly. hindsight is 20/20.

the inevitability in his words isn't an easy thing to hear. nothing they could do, more people just meant more being helpless. sousei himself was helpless, and she can only imagine how that must've-- how that must still feel for him. they were all helpless, really, at the moment--very little knowledge, very little... of a lot of things, so perhaps it was silly of her to think that she may have been able to help somehow.

at least ceres is being clear with how they are now.

but it also makes things clearer for her. that they can't make mistakes, they can't leave things to deal with later, in a way that harms them later. that they can't just deal with this entire thing alone. ]

... That's not something that's easy to live through. [ that's putting it lightly. she knows her fair share of helplessness. hanging above a pit, onto a lifeline that meant someone she cared about getting hurt, being completely unable to do anything. absolutely no other choice but to die, in the end, when she made her way to the prime dimension... but even then, that wasn't quite the same. a maze, as lab rats. being unable to do anything. in the end, finding nothing of use. she thinks that might be worse.

looking clearly at sousei then, she talks again. ]

If I hadn't asked, would you have told me anything?

[The question hits like a well-aimed punch, honestly. Would he have told her, if she hadn't asked? Part of him thinks that there's a high probability that he wouldn't have.

But she's looking at him so frankly, and that doesn't seem like enough of an answer.

He's frustrated even now. The frustration hasn't abated at all, really; not since Tenka's disappearance, and the bad decisions have just piled on since then. The fights he got into, the spars he goaded people into--even the way he dealt with this entire mess. It's been... one bad decision after another.

He meets her eyes, and then his lips quirk, more of a wry grimace than a smile, faint at the expression is, and this time he drops his gaze first.]

No, I wouldn't have. It wouldn't be the first bad decision I've made this month.

[Because...it's a good thing that he's here. It's a good thing that she's forcing him to talk. As wry as he feels right now, he can at least acknowledge that he feels a little less like there's that weight on his chest, even if he still feels entirely drawn thin.

Whatever this is...it is helping, a little. He's not so proud that he can't admit when he's made a mistake.]

[ no, i wouldn't have.

what a shocker. she's not sure what she feels about hearing that. disappointment? an ah, i knew it kind of revelation? of course he wouldn't tell her. she wouldn't have told him, probably, maybe. and she's familiar enough with the concept with muzét, though that situation was... wholly different.

yet there's still a small sink in her chest at the words, prepared as she was for the response--but there's also a small bit of relief there, too, that he's admitted that at least. friends. they were friends. she's not sure if "friends" meant she had to drag him here to talk, ask him questions and make him do it, or if he was supposed to do that on his own-- but he's talking, and that's progress.

she leans back in her chair. the words she'd typed, erased previously come to the front of her mind, and with only a pause she lets them out. ]

You really are an idiot, aren't you.

[ it doesn't hold the weight of an insult, but she says it as a truth nonetheless. it wouldn't be the first bad decision this month. he hasn't been okay. but he's mentioned nothing.

and milla's sitting here ( this entire mess of emotions feeling familiar ) pretending she knows how to deal with it... which she doesn't. she wasn't sure how to handle helplessness then, she's not sure how to handle it and the emotions it brings now, and she's not sure what to tell sousei about it.

he's troublesome. he's aggravating. frustrating, worrying, in a way that makes her wonder why she ever agreed to be his friend.

( she knows, of course. the number of times he's been there for her. when he told her not to apologize for the life she lived. she's his friend because he's somehow capable and incapable of taking care of himself, yet he still supports others. ) ]

... If you ignore it, it doesn't go away. [ she knows. a moment of uncharacteristic hesitation, and then: ] I said you could depend on me if you needed it. If you won't, I'll make it a note that I'm going to have to force you to.

[ she'll do this again. she hopes she won't need to, but sousei needs to talk. she's not the best person for it, she's more than aware of that, but he's the one that told her that talking might help, back when she admitted what her fate was.

troublesome. aggravating. frustrating. it's her luck that one of her first friends would be a headache like this. ]

[An idiot... Yes, he supposes he might be. Sousei's expression does a few complicated shifts at that, minute as they are, before it finally settles on wry amusement. An idiot..... Honestly.]

Well... That may be true.

[It's not like he has the right to argue with her right now. There are still bruises, if faded, from where he got into that fistfight with Hawke, and the spar that was a bit too rough with Shinpachi, and he knows that he's not his proper self. He feels stretched and too tightly wound, as though at some point he'll unravel entirely.

And then what?

He has a duty to take care of the people who had been under Tenka's care. He has to return to Japan to defend the country from the Orochi. There are so many things he has to do here, and Milla--

When did he start causing her this much trouble? (And when did she get this determined over his well-being?)]

...Is that so? You'll force me to? [... ha. Honestly? He wouldn't want to cross her. He's never seen her so certain in herself as she is now.] Then... in the future I will try not to make you do so, though I make no promises.

[He's honestly not very good at this confiding thing, even with Tenka, and he knows it. But...he can try. And if he fails, she'll make him, won't she? What a deal.]

[ he makes no promises, of course he doesn't. but he doesn't fight it, and she's said her intentions, and he's ( kind of ) agreed with her incredibly truthful observation. okay. there's not quite relief there, and she's still worried ( why? ), yet perhaps some of that tenseness she's feeling melts away.

she was tense?

a blink, as she realizes that. it delays her next words to him, prefaced by her gaze shifting from sousei to the side, and the rush of confidence she'd gotten from this need to have him to talk leaves her. to think she'd get this worked up over it, you'd think she was on a spyrix mission or something... ]

... Good.

[ good. though it doesn't carry the force her other words did, it's still there.

... ah, what now-- ]

I'll get the food, and you can tell me what other bad decisions you made.

[ good.

this gives her time to run off and think about what she's saying as she moves as casually as she can into the kitchen, to set the table and just... friendship.

things were so much simpler when he was just testing soup for her and she was just walking away from him in vivid while she wondered if he even had feelings. ]

[He watches her, a little more present, a little less out of it. If nothing else, her insistence has shaken him a little more...awake, as if he was asleep, going through the motions and not quite aware of everything going on around him. But now he's come back to himself, and he's realizes that she's...

...She's acting very strange, isn't she? It was nice to see her confident like that, but not she looks sheepish, glancing away, and then she moves off to get the food and he blinks some more.

Ah.

Okay.

Admittedly, even if it came at the cost of his own desire to keep these things to himself, it was nice to see her to confident and certain. It's been awhile, he suspects, since she's been like that, but he thinks it's a way of being that suits her. Proud, with her head held tall, and with the certain knowledge that what she's doing is right. There's strength in that.

(Though in this case what she's doing is looking after him, and when he thinks about that, that entire odd rush of--what, fondness? acceptance?--disappearance and he frowns slightly, pursing his lips ever-so-mildly.)

What is he supposed to even do with that?

(Besides sit at the table and wait for her to come back and stop pondering when he caved so easily to what she told him to do.)

And he knows he's going to tell her, somehow, and it's all so strange. Stop thinking, Sousei, focus on the food, it's less troublesome that way.]

[ it's a bit until the table is set. rice, two medium bowls of oden, the karashi which was obviously the only reason sousei came, and-- some tea. milla doesn't say much (or look at much, really) until everything's done, taking her place again beside sousei as she places the cups down.

( the majority of her thoughts during that entire adventure had been something along the lines of: you were way forward, what is this?, how am i going to do something like this anyway??

why. )

she's made it this far, and the distractions are finished. the little worry she may have had about the food being acceptable is shoved aside for her frustration and confusion with herself, with sousei, with. ah, everything. ]

... There.

[ but. she's made it this far. ]

Hopefully it's not terrible.

[ whether she means the food or the things he's been up to, well, that can be debated. ]

[He's going to assume the food, because why would he ever want to talk about how terrible things have been hahahaha that's so funny.

Instead, he looks for chopsticks (this sort of food should be eaten with chopsticks....) but if he doesn't find them, he's learned how to wield a fork as well in Western-style dinner parties. Either way, he'll just focus on the food.]

Thank you for the meal.

[And he takes his first bite. And then the next and the next.

It...tastes like home too. It's delicious, naturally; he was expecting that. Milla's a very excellent cook. But...

He wasn't expecting the flood of nostalgia to come just from the smell and taste of a meal he could have had back home. It's been months now since he's been there, and...it's strange. He didn't realize how much he missed things until now, with Tenka gone, and the Yamainu absent, and Milla offering up his favorite foods and flavors. He has to focus solely on the food, so that he doesn't embarrass himself with any sort of wavering.]

[ there's chopsticks, of course, she's clearly very refined in the ways of japanese cuisine. obviously.

( she isn't.... )

milla begins to eat just as sousei does, but the taste isn't entirely surprising to her. she feels silly that there's a hint of relief at his second bite, his third bite, like that really means anything--she's pretty sure that he'd continue to eat, even if what she made wasn't exactly up to par.

but he's silent, and that's something else. in between bites, she realizes she can't let that go on, and in the silence there's a: ]

... So?

[ so how is it, so what did you do, so how do you feel.

get answering, sousei. because she's looking, and she's waiting. ]

[(She tried......)

He's a little startled when she speaks, though he honestly shouldn't be; naturally a chef would want to know how the food turned out, especially when he knows that she made it in part due to him.

Which is still an odd thought, and one he doesn't try to examine too closely.

He swallows, and clears his throat, and tries to make sure there's absolutely no way that any hint of what he's feeling will get through. Thankfully, he's got practice with that, because nobody's got time for him getting sentimental.]

It is delicious.

[That's the frank truth.

After a moment, he adds to it, eyes firmly on the food:]

It tastes much as I would expect for it to taste back home.

[If he were there...this is the sort of thing that he would have liked to have eaten.]

... I see.

[ ... what a focus on the food.

it's not quite the answer she's looking most for, the thing she dragged him here for, but it answers at least one of the three. there's a raised eyebrow here, as if that's not quite what she expected him to say, or perhaps it's not quite how she expected him to say it--

--before she smiles, perhaps more wry than anything else. hearing the compliment doesn't mean as much as it should with all these background emotions, and maybe that fact is just funny to her.

even more confirmation that she's worried. how cute. ]

If it made you at least a bit homesick, I'd consider it a success.

[ that's what the purpose is, isn't it, when you make people things from home? ]

[... Well.

She seems to be onto him, not that he's surprised; it's probably pretty clear, even despite how hard he can be to read. Besides, Milla seems to know him pretty well by now (how should he feel about that, too?), so...

So all he does in response to that is take another bite, inclining his head in acknowledgement, and tacit agreement--yes, it does make him homesick, and yes, it is a success.]

... I wonder if I should consider that goal a little cruel.

[IF I MADE YOU MISS YOUR HOME, I WIN--but he knows that's not how she meant it.]

[ she actually got it, did she?

and somehow she's not even surprised, if only because what else could he be, looking down at the food so intently after she'd made it to his tastes? and during a time like this.

maybe it is a little cruel, even if she did have good intentions. and that fact just makes her smile less wry, more fond. ]

I could've dumped all the karashi in your bowl.

[ she could've been worse. ]

[He snorts under his breath at that, legitimately amused. Of all of the things to threaten him with, it's the karashi? Of course, she'd have no way of knowing, but he just arches an eyebrow in response, and--]

Karashi is one of my favorite flavors regardless. I don't think that would have been as troublesome as you would have wanted it to be.

[Sure, it'd be spicy, but it's his favorite flavor of spiciness....he probably would've been able to deal.]

[ .... he really does always find a way to squirm out from everything she throws at him, doesn't he? how was she supposed to know that? how does a guy who dislikes wasabi end up liking karashi that much?

judging from the way her lips press together and her eyes narrow, she didn't quite expect that one to pop up. but she recovers. ]

Lucky guess. Or unlucky guess here, maybe.

[ how is she supposed to torture him now?

except that's not the point of this entire thing at all, and she's not going to allow herself to get distracted anymore. ]

Let's fix that, then. Tell me what you've done, or I'll take it all away.

[ milla not!maxwell. ]

[Ah, is that what this is all about (obviously, it is, it was an inevitability....). But he just shakes his head slowly at that, arched eyebrow clearly unimpressed--

Before finally, he caves.

Yeah, he's a guest here, and she did make him his meal. He supposes she has the right to take it away from him as well, though his ninja skills for saving his meal from being taken by others are top-notch after living with Tenka for so long.]

There's no need to be threatening.

[yes there is]

...I assume you're asking after what poor decisions I've made recently, then. [a sigh, short but still mostly good-humored.]

You won't like this list.

[ she wouldn't actually have taken it away, but she has to pretend to have some semblance of an iron fist when dealing with sousei... otherwise she's pretty sure he wouldn't tell her a thing.

she wouldn't, if their positions were reversed. ]

I wouldn't have called you here if I thought I would.

[ and she's not going to avoid it, taking a sip of tea as she lets that settle.

lay it on her, sousei. it's not her issues that're being thrown out on the table, anyway, so it's not like she needs to steel herself for anything.

... but she does need to consider whether or not she'll need to punch tenka in the shoulder. sousei, too. ]

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