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[He's not sure that he likes that they keep returning to Tenka's parents' deaths. He wouldn't mind talking about them (honestly, it might be better for the both of them some days if they sat down and remembered them together) but.... their deaths. Now, after he went to talk to Shirasu.

Sousei's starting to get nervous, and that's not a normal state of being for him--but this...isn't adding up quite right.]

...What?

[He's legitimately surprised. He hadn't seen who'd done it, no, and Tenka had never talked about it, and Soramaru hadn't remembered. All Sousei had seen was the aftermath--the blood, the bodies, and the tragedy.

...A...Fuuma ninja?

Sousei's tenser now, but there's still a part of his brain that just isn't ready to make that connection.]

[Tenka trusts that Sousei is at least getting an idea of what happened now. Regardless, Tenka nods his head once and takes some more of his tea, as if the warmth of the liquid will manage to soothe his nerves as he becomes anxious just retelling his train of thought.]

I couldn't see their face since they were wearing a fox mask but... it wasn't a man - they were hardly bigger than I was. I didn't think about it at the time. Eventually when I heard that the Fuuma clan was wiped out by a single child from Shirasu, I realized that the same person had some issue with my family. But they were caught and put in the Condemned Prison Gate.

[ . . . . ] Revenge is pointless and hateful. I wasn't going to waste time and energy that I could spend with my brothers chasing an old vendetta when the culprit was caught and thinking about their sins everyday.

[That was his punishment. A life without laughter and without comfort - a proper punishment for someone who had taken the exact same things from Tenka. Any more would've been cruel.]

But when you told me that there were Fuuma twins and Shirasu's running around calling himself Fuuma Kotarou, the head of the clan-- [He cuts himself off, wincing faintly as he feels the ache in his chest again.

Still, he imagines Sousei would understand. That's why Tenka couldn't sit around anymore. That's why his thoughts grew so complicated. That's why he left right after dinner to get answers.]

[He knew about the Fuuma in the prison before he became relevant, in a distant sort of way. Then he knew of him as Shirasu's brother and co-conspirator--as one of Soramaru's kidnappers. As the person using opium to take control of dangerous murderers and criminals, to cause chaos in the country.

But before he can even begin to piece together that it was that Fuuma Tenka was referring to, he continues, and the last reluctant piece slots into place.

A Fuuma killed Tenka's parents. A Fuuma who wanted them out of the way, for the sake of his plots.

Fuuma Kotarou killed Tenka's parents--and Sousei's parents, the only real parents he'd ever known. Tenka talks about revenge, but Tenka had had years to think about this. Sousei is still trying to catch up with the fact that their parents' murderer was right there all along.

He barely breathes.]

... What?

[It's said deceptively quietly, and Sousei, who hates wasting time, who gets irritated when people don't understand the first time, Sousei is the one repeating himself here. He's smart enough to realize what Tenka is saying. But somehow, part of him is struggling nonetheless to catch up with what he's being told. He doesn't know what to say to that. What does one say to that?]

[When Tenka meets Sousei's eyes, his expression is only one of understanding. Not pity, not sympathy - he was in the exact same place as Sousei and finds nothing pitiful about this. It's an ache that he understands all too well. The simple fact that Tenka had thought that their parents' murderer was already locked up and dealing with his sins.

Except it wasn't fact at all.

When he continues on, he's quiet himself. Partially because he doesn't want to deal with Soramaru or Nishiki waking up and overhearing. But mostly because he's barely able to admit it to himself.]

... I had to know. I had to ask Shirasu - I'd told him about that day and the fact that Soramaru couldn't remember and he'd- he was sympathetic. I thought he understood if the same killer had taken his clan away from him.

[His hands ball up into fists on the table, knuckles turning white.]

So I... I asked him. I thought that Shirasu ordered it and that his brother did it or --

[Or something that was less cruel that the truth.]

... but he said he did it.

[Despite himself, tears prick at Tenka's eyes. He doesn't cry often and almost never cries in front of other people. Through the sadness, he laughs and makes jokes, he finds a way around encountering different concepts like mortality and loss.

But this time the sadness wins.

Ten years of companionship through hard times and loss of family fight with the memories of warmth and laughter and nothing but love and affection from his parents until they were taken away from him. Why is it that even memories that were once so happy cause him pain now?]

Shirasu killed Mom and Dad.

[It's said as bluntly as that, with Tenka's understanding expression, and Sousei can't deny it or hide from the truth anymore. That's the truth. Kinjou Shirasu--Fuuma Kotarou--murdered their parents. He killed them, and the horrible part of this is that, despite the emotional part of this, the part that's swamping him, there's the analytic part of him that gets it. The logical part of him that notes, in the back of his mind, that sensei must have been close.

He'd always talked about how he would kill whoever would turn into the Orochi, and save them from themselves.

But he'd always hated it, Sousei knows. And... And if he'd been secretly searching, if he'd been close to finding a way to not have to kill the vessel, then-- (then Sousei was wrong all along)--then of course he'd kill him. He just knew too much.

It's the most bitter taste on Sousei's tongue, and if he wasn't quite so disciplined, he'd feel like vomiting. Slowly, burning lungs remind him that he has to breathe, and so the breath he draws in is deep, almost gulping, but he's going to assume that that's because he was depriving himself of oxygen (and not because it feels like his entire life just tilted).]

He--

[Tenka still cares about him, huh. Tenka still does, because Shirasu was with him for ten years. But... Even knowing that, Sousei can't help it.]

He murdered them.

[What did he do, knowing that? How can they even let the bastard go free?]

[Tenka had gotten up when he noticed that Sousei had apparently forgotten to breathe. The shock is strong and Tenka knows that it's a lot - all at once. Tenka had years to consider who killed their parents and what became of them, thinking about all the small pieces that slowly added up. Except even then he was wrong.

But that was when he and Sousei didn't speak for ten years. That was when Sousei wanted nothing to do with him and hated him and everything he stood for. There was no way for Tenka to share the information, even if he wanted to. And he also knows himself well enough to realize that then, at that time, he wouldn't have wanted to.

That distance has long since been closed and Tenka, open-hearted and instinctively protective as he is, doesn't plan on sitting across the table for much longer. Rather, he moves to sit beside his partner and plants both of his hands on his shoulders, looking him in the eye.

His words sting. They hurt. Tenka can't say anything because they're true.]

Sousei.

[Come on, partner, stay with him here.]

Sousei, breathe.

[He promised Tenka he wouldn't hurt Shirasu, that he wouldn't pick a fight with him, and never has he regretted a promise more. Shirasu deserves to be tied up and sent to prison for his crimes, for the deaths of their parents and so many other people--and here, that's not an option. Even if he hadn't promised, would he have taken revenge? Would he hunt Shirasu down and kill him for the agony he'd caused and the lives he'd taken?

(He's not sure. He's supposed to be defending the country, and part of that is obeying the laws of the country. But. Maybe, for justice--)

It's a moot point now, and it hurts. It hurts to know that Shirasu was living in comfort all of those years with Tenka when he was the one who started all of this tragedy. The Yamainu had lost nearly everything with the loss of Taiko and Tenka. They'd barely recovered. Sousei can remember nights when he hadn't thought they would, when things were bleak and Kiiko looked just as hopeless as he'd felt.

They're letting a murderer go free.

Sousei shakes Tenka off then, but he does focus on breathing. He's not going to lose it here. That'd be pitiful. He has things to do still. (As much as, in a way, he'd like to. He was never one for tears, and even now his eyes are dry, but did they even properly mourn them, knowing this?)]

I didn't know. [The words are slow, obvious, but what else could he say?] I never knew--

[... He never knew, and they may not have been related by blood, but it's almost a plaintive tone, quiet as it is, because--]

They were my parents too. [This was his family too. He has never said so, out loud, maybe never felt the right to claim them, but it's true. And Tenka had (unknowingly, sure, but even so) asked him to let their murderer go free.]

Edited 2015-01-12 21:32 (UTC)

[When he's shaken off, Tenka winces.

Is Sousei mad at him too? Tenka wouldn't blame him. More than anything else, Tenka knows that he's not one to dictate another person's feelings or actions. Tenka has always been strikingly independent, someone that would do what they pleased always - but by asking Sousei to not hurt Shirasu before and having Sousei agree, it's restricting his partner's freedom.

And when Sousei admits that he thought of them as his parents too, Tenka's face crumples and it feels like his heart's being crushed. Sousei never said that - he never called Taiko 'Father' but always 'Sensei'. But he remembers Dadpatting Sousei's head or picking him up so easily and he remembers Mom chastising Sousei just the same as she did Tenka - with firmness and so much love it was suffocating.

It's why Tenka was so angry at Shirasu. Tenka's never felt fury on his own behalf but it wasn't only his childhood that was taken from him. Soramaru, Chuutarou, Sousei, and Kiiko - they all suffered too.

But Sousei and Kiiko had moved on separately from Tenka. He never had a chance to take care of them and never did, knowing that he could never give them the same sense of direction that leading the Yamainu would. Yet as he's sitting here, watching his partner struggle and become overcome with emotions, he refuses to be motionless for long.

So even though he was shaken off earlier, he's determined now as he wraps his arms around Sousei and pulls him into a hug, as if that'd hold the broken pieces of his partner's composure together.]

I know.

[He struggles for words, not sure what to say. He couldn't even comfort himself, how could he manage to help Sousei?]

They loved you.

[Tenka shuts his eyes as his fingers cling onto the fabric of Sousei's clothes. Don't shake him off again, partner.]

I'm sorry.

[For letting their murderer into his house and then into his heart. For never telling Sousei for years and then telling him all at once. For everything that was his fault and then some.

He's sorry for everything.]

[He's never said it, because he never really felt the right to claim them as his family. He was the little Abe kid that they adopted--pulled into their family not because he was a pawn, as he'd thought, but because he was a lonely little child who had nobody else. Sousei had always thought that so long as he could stand on his own, it would be fine. So long as one person remained standing in the end, he could continue. He would depend only on himself, and live life that way--until it was his time to die.

Then this infuriating man before him, once a kid, gave him something to live for. The Kumou parents gave him a warm and loving family. He had Tenka, and Kiiko, and the Yamainu, and he wasn't a pawn and he wasn't alone.

Numbly, he allows Tenka to hug him, though he doesn't move his arms to hug him back--he doesn't shake him off either. Sousei is certain that at some point, everything will properly sink in--he'll understand everything that Tenka has and is telling him, and he'll have to decide what he's going to do about Shirasu then.

How does one live with one's parents' murderer living right there, healthy, free and unrestricted? Maybe there isn't a right answer to that question. Maybe they have to cope in the only way they can. Sousei doesn't know yet how he'll cope...but he will. He has to. There's no question about it, as much of a sudden bombshell as this was, there are still things they both have to do.

He takes a slow breath, staring past Tenka's shoulder at the wall behind him. He'd always known that they'd been murdered. The scene was unmistakeable. But now...now he has an explanation for the tragedy that had been so, so confusing for so long, and...he's not sure if it's better or not (it is better, it's infinitely better to know, no matter how much it hurts).]

... ["They loved you", Tenka says, and that's agonizing too, because he'd loved them too, in his own way. Eight years had been enough to convince him of that love, and Taiko had been so confident in him, so certain that he would grow to be someone that his master would be proud of.

He lets out a shuddering breath then, but there aren't any words he can come up with, and even if there were, no words seem to be able to escape his throat nonetheless. Instead, slowly, hesitantly, his arms come up to mimic Tenka's hold, if much, much more loosely. He's not alone right now, no, and that's important to remember. He'd promised Kumou-sensei that he would act as Tenka's support all those years ago. He's not going to break that promise either.

So he will try to be support, even as he's still reeling even now. He needs just a moment more to gather together his composure and figure out just what he's going to do with that information from here. Just...another moment.]

[It's too much. It's far, far too much.

Tenka has been on an emotional roller coaster ever since Sousei told him that there were Fuuma twins. In the course of a day, he'd gone from laughing and lecturing children to bantering with his partner to actually confronting Shirasu in terms of all the pain and suffering he'd had to go through. There's nothing about Tenka that's stable in this moment.

He would often laugh when he wanted to cry but when faced with the first tragedy of his life, the one that stole not only his parents but also his mobility, his squad, and his dreams from him, he can't laugh. There's nothing funny and even though they're fine now, there is still too much sadness. He can feel himself slowly crumbling underneath all of it, the tears prickling at his eyes even as he tries to be there for Sousei.

Yet when he feels Sousei return the hug, hesitant and slow as he is, it's the last of Tenka's own tenuous hold on his calm.

His forehead rests on Sousei's shoulder again, just as it had when he first came in, and his fingers curl that much tighter around his clothes. The hug becomes Tenka clinging onto the one person in this world that understands his pain and came back to him after a decade of separation. Taiko and Koyuki aren't here anymore, they can't support him or tell him when he's right or wrong or hold him when he's upset. Sousei can.

So his shoulders shake even as he clings tighter onto his partner, tears escaping his eyes silently. There's nothing shameful about crying, he'd said for so long, but after years of laughing even when he felt his heart about to break, he's out of practice.

This is what has become of your boys, Mom and Dad.]

[This is what has become of their boys. A little more tragic, a little more broken, and lacking in things they once had. But back together now. And trying their hardest to make things right, and to save their family, their home, and everything that matters.

Would they be proud? Surely, they wouldn't be disgusted by their inability to take care of their killer. They'd always been too kind for that. Surely.

And so Sousei sighs softly, even as Tenka clings tighter, even as the dams finally break and Tenka is able to finally cry. He'd been trying so hard, hadn't he? To plaster a smile on it. Even right after, when Tenka had said he was leaving the Yamainu, there'd been that damnable, broken smile. Sousei hated that expression--and still, he hates it. He knows they were both taught the same things...that they should smile when they're happy, cry when they're sad, and embrace their emotions with everything they had.

But Tenka was so bad at that, after their parents' death.

And Sousei had never been good at it at all.

His breath hitches as well, but crying does not and never will come easily to him, and he doesn't. Instead, slowly, he closes his eyes, and remains exactly in the same position, loosely grasping Tenka in return as he clings to him like a lifeline. And maybe this, too, is what Taiko had meant when he'd said that Tenka would need him.

(And he needs Tenka too... but Taiko had probably always known that, too.)

Still, it's Tenka's pain and Tenka's tears that help Sousei drag back together the pieces of his composure, because he'd always known--someone has to stay standing, with their head held high, always. There must always be someone.]

["Let it all out. Cry and grow stronger."

When they encountered sadness and unfairness as children, Tenka would always throw a fit over it. He'd wipe away his tears as if they were shameful in front of his father and he would be told that to cry is to be human. Then, even if he was sniffling and sobbing afterward, Tenka would cry. There was never any scolding over it, because his parents were kind people who were expressive and affectionate and loud and lived every moment of their lives with everything they had.

Tenka misses them. Tenka never stopped missing them from the day he walked into the room and found them both dead. But instead of crying and mourning, letting the process happen, he got caught up in duty. He had to shove the Yamainu out of his life to get them to grow without him. He had to take care of his brothers. He had to become the Head of the Kumou at 14 years old and watch over Shiga.

He had to cry too, but he never let himself have time for that until now.

Now that his partner's forgiven him again and the Orochi is officially dead and Soramaru is grown and Kiiko talks to him and their small family is growing yet again, he's letting himself cry.

Mom and Dad's murderer was Tenka's best friend. Shirasu was only a bit older than him as well and Tenka should hate him. Tenka should want him to be confined and in the Condemned Prison Gate, thinking about his sins and how many lives he's ruined. But after getting one good punch in, Tenka let him go.

Because ten years was more than enough time for Tenka to care about Shirasu and even now it's hard for him to reconcile that the only other person he's confided in besides Sousei was also the one to ruin his life. Tenka knows that he should hate him, that he should never want to see him again, but... he still doesn't know how to hate. That was never something that his parents taught him. Even for the Orochi, to kill the vessel was never an act of heroics for Taiko. It was not out of hate for the poor soul that was chosen - but rather to save them.

Even as Tenka's eyes run out of tears and he's left taking shaky breaths against his partner's shoulder, he still wonders if he's doing the right thing, trying to save Shirasu instead of seeking revenge.

But even if it's not, he has a sinking feeling he won't be able to bring himself to do anything else but this.

It's just how he's always been.]

[As Tenka's breaths calm, Sousei takes a slow breath of his own. That time had been enough for him to gather his composure, and now...now he's as composed as he'll ever be after that information, he supposes. It still hurts, but that seems about right to him--it should hurt. They were family, after all.

This is what family feels like, in his admittedly somewhat limited experience.

Quietly, Sousei lifts his chin, reaching a decision. He does not move otherwise, because he does not feel the need to pull away again. He's resolved now, and resolved makes it easier to deal with all of the consequences that he now faces. This is all he has left. The Yamainu, as much as he keenly misses them, are not here. They are his proper family, but they are not here.

Tenka, however, is.

Really, with that in mind, there's only one thing he can say. His voice is steady, if a little hoarse (unshed tears, perhaps, or just from the struggle he'd had with remembering how to breathe).]

I made a promise. I intend to keep it.

[He won't go after Shirasu. He'd promised Tenka that before, and he will keep it now. Because their parents would not have wanted revenge. Because it means very little here. But most of all, because he promised, and promises don't change just because the circumstances did.]

[Tenka winces faintly at that, even as he doesn't really move. His grip on Sousei looses as he calms down, though he doesn't pull away. Rather, he just slumps and puts more of his weight on Sousei than anything. Nothing will really beat the tiredness that he feels in this moment, between all the unbearably emotional decisions that he's had to make today and how he still has no idea where he completely stands with Shirasu.]

.... sorry. [He can only imagine Sousei's anger, not even tempered by the reluctant affection that Tenka still feels for Shirasu.] For what it's worth, I might've broken his jaw.

[Or at the very least, it was definitely already bruising pretty badly by the time Tenka left him.

But even as he keeps his head on Sousei's shoulder and sighs, Tenka just mumbles.]

Just... don't get hurt, whatever you decide to do.

[Shirasu deserves whatever's coming to him - Tenka knows that. Especially in the eyes of the Yamainu Captain, probably. But Tenka trusts Sousei not to fatally injure Shirasu - he just wouldn't accept it if Sousei got hurt in return.]

[Honestly... now Tenka thinks he'll accept leeway on promises? Now, after everything they've been through and how hard it has been for them to come together again and now that they're finally understanding each other again? Sousei knows Tenka knows him better than that. Sousei doesn't accept compromises when he can successfully manage the original conditions. He knows this is just Tenka trying to fix things, but...]

I've already told you what I've decided to do.

[Namely...keeping his promise. Alternatively known as: collectively doing nothing unless Shirasu really, really provokes him into it. Honestly.

(It is kind of satisfying to know that Tenka broke his jaw, though...)]

And I've already told you that I will not be injured. [He's totally still invincible, calm down, partner.]

[Tenka's constantly trying to fix his own mistakes and he can't deny that ultimately asking Sousei to let their parents' murderer walk around with consequence would typically fall within the general realm of things considered a 'mistake'.

But honestly, that invincible attitude is kind of annoying. Annoying enough that Tenka scoffs - which is quickly followed by a yawn, because he's tired - and honestly.]

Yeah, yeah, act all high and mighty when you were gasping like a fish ten minutes ago. Whatever you say, Sousei-kun.

[are you kidding him right now

Sousei scowls at that, properly shoving Tenka off of him now.]

Shut up!

[Mistake or not, it is what it is, but seriously man, that was a bombshell you dropped on him earlier.]

[Rude as hell!

But that's Tenka getting shoved off and flopping on the floor. Except he's still about five years old so he's just going to kick at Sousei in return and hissing-]

You're gonna wake the kids....!

[are you two okay]

[They're never okay.

Primly, Sousei turns away from Tenka and picks up his tea which has...thoroughly gone cold.

Shhh.]

It's your fault.

[still ducking responsibility even 10+ years later, ah yes.]

[no it's not his fault

you know what is his fault?

the fact that he's reaching over now to lift the bottom of sousei's tea cup higher to get it to spill on him

he'll accept that as his fault]

[...aslkndlkanslda??????

????????

oh my god Tenka are you for real. The tea is thankfully lukewarm at best, but then his nightclothes are dripping wet... good thing he thought to tie his hair back before, honestly.

He manages to right the cup before too much spills, but he's still wet, and he immediately aims a punch at Tenka's head.

MORON.]

[In all honesty he was laughing so hard that he didn't even notice and that punch is hitting him at full force.

But aside from the initial 'ow!' and Tenka's return to the floor he's still just.... laughing. And he's laughing so hard that he's really not making any noise (which is probably a slight conscious effort on his part because it is late and who's the one gasping for air now, Tenka?

he's clutching his stomach in laughter anyway and having a laugh as if he wasn't openly crying for the first time in years just minutes ago

he has a feeling they'll be okay]

[They will definitely be okay--whether it's the partner understanding they share, or just that he's having the same thoughts, as Sousei watches Tenka gasp for air on the floor, he knows that that's the case as well.

Slowly, he lets out a breath that he'd had in him for who knows how long, all of the tension draining away in his shoulders as he does. There are still a lot of issues to be resolved, but...

They'll be okay. He moves to stand.]

I'm going to get cleaned up and go to bed. [mess-maker.]

[Tenka settles in his laughter then, amused and still grinning at Sousei as he moves to get up.]

It's okay, Sousei. I won't tell anyone that you don't know how to breathe or drink sometimes.

[but as he gets up, he chooses not to move from the table for a time, even as a calm smile curls itself on his lips. He'll probably go to bed eventually.]

[He's picking up the cups of tea (Tenka's as well, it's cold now, if he wants more he can make more) and carries them towards the kitchen, though as he passes Tenka by on the floor, he nudges him with his foot.

Jerk.]

Stop being ridiculous. How old are you?

[you act like you did when they were both 8.]

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