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Snapped.

[The word is said flatly, no intonation whatsoever, and shortly. Snapped...as the orochi. Snapped in a way that would require that someone was on standby to kill him?

That's all Sousei says.

Because he doesn't like the conclusions he's drawing, and he's still willing to give Tenka the chance to tell him that that's not the case (even as he has the sinking feeling it is).]

[Tenka doesn't have much to say in response to that.

He remembers his vision clouding over, already injuring the people who were trying to examine him further. But when they let him out, he could still walk in the daylight and help people. So he kept taking the medicine, because just staying in an underground prison waiting only for the next time he'd be on the examination table-

That wasn't the life he wanted.

So he doesn't say anything.

He just smiles weakly.

He really didn't want to talk about this at all.]

[So it really would have been...that. Tenka would have become a mindless monster, just like the Orochi. He would have become that negativity.

Humanity's enemy.

All due to these experiments, all because of a corrupt official using these disgusting things to his own ends.

Sousei's silent for a long moment, hands clenched into fists on his thighs, the only real acknowledgement about how upset he really is about this.]

... I see.

[They'd gone back to the pattern of being partners, exploring things about this world and just coexisting together seamlessly, that Tenka had almost forgotten that whenever he sees Sousei go numb like this, it's always his fault.

What a reminder.

Still though, he just sighs because he doesn't think this is a sad story, even now. What would he have done without the Orochi medicine? He wouldn't have been able to take care of his brothers or even let the Yamainu abandon him without remorse - he wouldn't have been able to help anyone.

So he just reaches across the table and waves a hand in front of Sousei's face, head tilting slightly.]

Hey.

I'm still me.

I'm okay [~~for~~] now.

[He hears the "for now", even if Tenka doesn't intend for him to. Because he's done his research too. He's been working really hard to come up with a way to save Soramaru. He asked Kiiko to look into the wonder drug--and he knows a lot about that as well.

The hand in front of his face gets him to glance at Tenka properly, but...his expression just goes a little flatter.]

You are. And you will stay that way. [If it's the last thing he does--he'll make sure Tenka is still Tenka, in the end.]

[The fact that Sousei's expression doesn't look any more at ease is something that bothers Tenka. On his face, it might read to others as annoyance but this is nothing but concern. So he snaps his fingers in front of Sousei's face, trying to get his attention again by being annoying. That tends to work.]

I will.

[He'll live as a Kumou until the end. He will be okay until the end. He tilts his head.]

... So why don't you look any happier about it?

["Because I don't believe you".

That's harsh, isn't it? But it's the truth. He can't believe that Tenka's not going to just go get himself killed again--this time by mistakes made years ago. He can't be certain that Tenka isn't going to disappear from his life.

Because he's not happier, and platitudes here are not going to make him happier.

But he just closes his eyes for a moment, and then lifts his chin.]

I will reserve the right to celebrate when it is apt, and not a moment sooner. [When the Orochi is dead, and when Soramaru is safe, and when Tenka is still alive then--

Then he'll look happier.]

[He hears the words that come out of Sousei's mouth and rearranges them into something else that he thinks is closer to the truth: Will you still be alright when the battle is over?

The funny thing is that Tenka doesn't know. He tilts his head before shaking it and his left hand reaches out for the tea cup that he had set down. Without the medicine, he wouldn't have even been able to do this much. This world knows it - there were packets of the medicine and its stabilizer waiting for him when he arrived in this apartment.

But he doesn't say that, instead choosing to take a drink.

Then he snorts and breaks out into a grin.]

Have a little faith in me, partner.

...You have always asked a lot.

[Of Sousei, anyway. Ten years they spent apart, and then Tenka died, and then he came back and all of these lies and tragic falsehoods were brought to light and now Tenka tells him to have faith in him?

Now, after all of this?

It's hard. He has no guarantees that Tenka won't disappear and shatter that flimsy faith again.]

Fine. [That was always going to be his answer, though; there had never been any other option.] I will put my faith in those words. In that title.

[In Tenka--again.]

[ . . . It's a cutting answer, whether Sousei intended it to be or not. The surprise shows on Tenka's face, though he's come to have enough self-control around Sousei by now to keep the hurt from seeping through. Is it really that hard to believe in him?

Soramaru and Chuutarou had always believed in him entirely, but they were his little brothers and Tenka would do everything in his power to protect and guide them. Shirasu never truly questioned him when it counted either, but what did that mean when now apparently Shirasu betrayed their family and therefore Tenka? But Sousei is his partner, the one who he stands with on equal footing and can give Tenka the most direct and honest opinion possible. And that answer is that it's hard to believe in him.

Well, Tenka supposes he hasn't given him much reason to - ten years of separation and unhappy reunions taken into account.

Ah, what a sad soul he is, to have his own partner doubt him. But that's a negative well of emotion, something the Orochi would feast on, and isn't that exactly what Tenka is trying to avoid?

So his own personal brand of medicine shines through as he manages a laugh, weak as it is but he's never really allowed himself to be devoid of hope and energy. That's when he would truly lose, after all.

In exchange for Sousei's faith in him, Tenka will trade something else in exchange. A simple admittance.]

I still don't want to die, Sousei.

[And in turn, Sousei has always been bluntly honest with Tenka. He always had been as his right-hand man, and now he is as his partner, still, even after everything they've been through. There's so much that has changed. But that little important title has stayed the same, and so he supposes that that's what he's putting his faith in. The promise that comes along with "partners", and the promise that comes alongside Tenka's words--that he doesn't want to die.

Though...even now, he'll be honest, because while he appreciates that admittance, and he appreciates knowing that Tenka doesn't want to die, he doesn't think Tenka wanted to die before, either.

But this had all happened anyway. The tragedy had occurred regardless of what Tenka wanted--and Sousei knows that he played his own unwilling and unknowing part in it as well. He doesn't want assurance that Tenka doesn't want to die. He knows that. He wouldn't be here supporting him if he did want to die.

What he wants--]

I know. [...] In return, I will ask... [Does he even have the right to ask for this? If Tenka says "no", then are they really the partners they used to be? He's not sure, anymore.] ...for your honesty in the future.

[About everything--he's tired of Tenka hiding things. He's tired of finding out in the worst possible way, in the end. He'll work to keep Tenka alive too, but he needs that honesty to be able to do so. That's...all they really need, to go back to where they were before, isn't it?]

To have my honesty in the future, you'd need my honesty about the past, right?

[He gives that up pretty willingly. If Sousei wants Tenka to talk about things with him in the future, there's a lot to cover in the past ten years. In the past ten years, Tenka has willingly continued to take the Orochi medicine in order to maintain mobilization, watched over his younger brothers and tried to find ways to separate the Orochi from the vessel, and also added one more to their family in the form of Kinjou Shirasu.

In the future, there will be obstacles like Tenka possibly giving into the Orochi cells in his body or becoming paralyzed, actually having to deal with Soramaru as the Orochi, and the eventual reappearance of Shirasu in Tenka's life. None of those can really be discussed in full without knowing the things that led to them in the first place.

So Tenka just sighs.

He's not good at sharing. Botan was the one who came up to him to talk about helping his goal and otherwise he never would've brought it up with her. It's always just been him and Shirasu - ever since Sousei and the rest of the Yamainu left. Because the things in Tenka's life are truly painful and he knows it.

Every single time something like this comes up - when they talk about the real reason why Tenka left the Yamainu, when Sousei gets closer to finding out more about the experiments, when Tenka opens his mouth to talk about the things that happened to him - it causes Sousei pain.

If he shares the truth with Sousei, he'll just be causing his partner more pain because of decisions that Tenka made in the past.

All he can do is snort softly.]

.... You're going to get mad at me.

[Possibly hate him, think he's a monster, discover just how far his foolishness goes-]

What do you want to know?

[In a way, he's honestly relieved by that answer. Tenka's willing to open up to him, to tell him all of the things that he missed while they were apart, and to be sincere with him about things in the future. That's already an improvement from where they were, dancing around these issues and discussing things only when there was no possible way to avoid them. That's not partnership.

(And Sousei knows that to avoid being a hypocrite, he will also have to share what he and the Yamainu went through over those ten years, but for right now, Tenka's story is the more important of the two. Later. It will come, later.)

He'll get mad, Tenka says, which honestly causes Sousei to snort, expression vaguely amused. Of course he will. He had never doubted it. Tenka made dumb decisions all the time, and Sousei got irritated about said decisions all the time. It was their dynamic. It was why Sousei had to be by his side.

So his expression doesn't shift from that amusement, even as he responds easily enough--]

I am already mad at you.

[QUITE FRANKLY--HE IS. Has been for ages. But he's not so angry that he won't talk to Tenka anymore. He's not so angry that he doesn't want anything to do with him. No, he's just mad--at his foolishness, at Sousei's own foolishness, and at their lack of understanding of this whole situation.

...But where to start...he supposes he has to start at the beginning.]

I...assume you began taking that medication after your injury. [He'd never known what the doctors were doing...why hadn't he questioned it more? (He'd just been so relieved...)]

You don't make it easy to want to tell you things.

[To be honest. But if Sousei's going to get sassy then it's kind of just Tenka's natural response to return fire. Though... well, the amusement is a nice change from the stillness of his expression earlier. It's enough to get Tenka's shoulders to relax a bit and he sighs.

Despite everything else he'd been through, now is when the smile drops. This is where the pain really starts and there is no happiness in this part of the story. He could find things to smile and joke about later, even days later, when he's with his brothers and without the Yamainu. But in this part of the story there's is nothing but-]

It was really painful.... but I suppose that's expected when you receive an injury that would normally kill you. [Subconsciously, he straightens and sits up, as if the scar on his back had its own weight and he refuses to slump from it now.] They gave me the first dose of medicine when I was unconscious, I think... and it saved my life.

[He raises his left arm then, holding it in front of him and staring at the faux bracelet on his wrist.]

But I couldn't move my left side, not my hands, my feet, the left side of my mouth, nothing. [He remembers that, laying flat on the table and his own speech - what words he had the strength to try to muster - was difficult to decipher and only his right side could grip the edge of the operating table when the pain hit.] So they gave me more.

[They gave it to him. He didn't ask for it. There was never a choice.]

.... It was stiff, but eventually I could start moving my left side again. Little by little.

[He opens and closes his left hand, an easy movement now but - back then, not so much.]

Edited 2014-12-04 20:05 (UTC)

[Shut up, Tenka, he's been super patient about this...!!

But that actually explains a lot. It explains why Tenka immediately went along with it--he hadn't had a choice, and it had just been the only way to keep him alive. In which case...it's not all bad either. Though it's also certainly not good.

... Nothing is ever as clear-cut as he would like it to be, apparently. Because that's difficult to swallow. Without the cells, Tenka would have died. With them, Tenka is going to die, sooner, possibly in a horribly cruel way... Sousei frowns slightly, but aside from that, he simply nods.]

I understand. Go on.

[He's gotten the reasoning for Tenka leaving the Yamainu, in bits and pieces--for his brothers, because he didn't want to be a burden... so Sousei will move on to what might be less painful. (But is still so very important.)]

That is when you decided to act as a gatekeeper? [Honestly, that's what Tenka basically was, ferrying criminals and catching them too.]

[It takes him a second to continue, one hand going up to his neck and tracing the lines of the red brace around it - more instruments used to keep the Orochi at bay but not conspicuous enough to really draw too much attention. He'd laughed it off and called it a fashion statement. Ah, if only it was only just bad fashion sense.

Then he meets Sousei's eyes and actually manages a grin. Yeah. They got past the hard part and he no longer feels the ghosts of knives and needles pricking at his skin.]

Yep! It was always a responsibility of the Kumou anyway, plus I had enough experience helping to catch criminals with the Yamainu. It wasn't that hard. Soramaru was old enough to walk and the townspeople would always come by to stay with my brothers when I had to go out so they wouldn't get scared, crybabies that they were.

[Because who knew when the next moment would be that they would lose another family member? Tenka merely shrugs then though.]

The villagers would always stop by and give us food before Soramaru knew how to cook as well as he does. Somewhere around a year after you guys left - the winter after - I found Shirasu in the snow. We took him in, gave him food and a lot of love, and he's been part of the family since. It was hard! He was even grouchier and distrustful than you were as a kid!

[Tenka sighs then, long and loud and suffering, obviously.] I had my work cut out for me.

[But regardless, Tenka still isn't ready to cut Shirasu out of his life - it's hard to do that with someone who's been with you for ten years. Especially when it was someone who was his age who entered his life just as all his friends left. There's not only attachment on Tenka's part, but dependence. Even now, knowing that there's a solid chance that he was betrayed, he has nothing but fondness for those memories.

It was hard to let go of the Yamainu but somehow afterward, Tenka was able to laugh again if only because he wasn't sure what else to do.]

[In a way, it's a nice story. The story of three brothers living together, protecting the town and having the town take care of them in return. He's not surprised by that in the least--after all, they'd always been a large part of the town. They'd always been important to them. He can remember that as a child, and the pride that Taiko had taken in their home. It was important to protect it, he'd said.

Sousei had simply expanded his goal a bit alongside Tenka's encouragement--he'd protect it, yes, but alongside the rest of Japan as well. But it seems as though in return, Tenka narrowed his focus instead. It's weird to think about, but he doesn't have much time to do so before Tenka's bringing up something else, and that's...

Fuuma.

That failure still stings. He should have pieced together that they were after the vessel--that they were after Soramaru. But he hadn't until it was too late. He'd had the pieces for the prison and the opium, but again, he hadn't pieced it all together until it was too late. But in the end, despite Sousei's failings, the true fault and guilt lay at the feet of that man. His eyes narrow, and his expression sets.]

Don't compare me to him.

[He doesn't want to be compared to a traitor.]

[That's unfair. Tenka is surprised at the coldness, though perhaps he shouldn't be. Sousei doesn't like Shirasu, that much has been made clear. Maybe Tenka should be a bit more considerate of that but-

Something in his brain and heart is still telling him that Shirasu is his brother. He is part of their family and he won't take being compared to him as some kind of insult because the Shirasu that Tenka knows has always been patient, cooperative, and there. At this point, he's known Shirasu as his confidant and closest friend longer than Sousei.

It's almost concerning how quickly Tenka is back to defending Shirasu, something ingrained in him for years.]

You know, if you only wanted bits and pieces of the truth, you should've mentioned that before I started talking.

[Do you want to know about his life or not, Sousei?

For better or worse, Shirasu was and is a big part of it - as someone who was there to listen and support him once Sousei had left.]

[And it's painful too, to think that Tenka would take insults to Shirasu over this tentative peace they've established as partners. The noise he makes at that is somewhere between a scoff and frustrated, soft but faintly audible. He knows that part of the fault is his own. Yes, he did not stay by Tenka's side. He understands that he should have, and that in that way, he messed up.

But neither did Shirasu, in the end.

What makes him so much more important, then?]

...Fine. [Fine. He'll stomach it, then, to get the rest of Tenka's story--but he's not going to be happy about being compared to Shirasu, nor about this immediate defensiveness on Shirasu's behalf.]

Continue, then. I won't interrupt.

Edited 2014-12-05 22:44 (UTC)

.... I'm not going to ask you to like him. [He can't and he won't. That's a stupid request, Sousei has always been his own person. And as much as it hurts Tenka to hear someone be cares about so much to be annoyed about being compared to someone else he cares about a lot - it's inevitable.] But he's just as important to me as you are.

[He should continue, he knows, but - that much has to be said. Sousei was and is his partner, he's irreplaceable to the point that not even Kiiko could enter their dynamic. When Sousei left with the rest of the Yamainu, that was it. His only partner left.

Shirasu entered but he's not Tenka's partner. He's family, neatly slotted in with the Cloudy Brothers. Tenka's relationship with either of them is all at once very similar and couldn't be more different.]

Maybe he's not anymore - [which is its own painful thought, one that takes enough of a stab at Tenka's heart that he has to pause and catch his breath] - but he was a good friend and took care of me and my brothers for years. Old habits die hard. Abandoning people doesn't get any easier just because I'm guilty of doing it before, you know.

[If Tenka pulls the edges of his cloak tighter around him, maybe that's just an old habit too.]

[Is that supposed to be helping? He's not sure. He supposes Tenka isn't sure either. Does it make him feel better to hear that he's as important to Tenka as Shirasu is...? Not particularly. He...knows that he's important to Tenka, just as Tenka is to him... but on the same level, again, as that traitor.

But in a way, it also means that he'll have to work harder, to not leave Tenka's side.

Because right now, he supposes he's not much better, even if he didn't do all of those terrible things Shirasu did. But still...is this Tenka learning from his mistakes, or is it just really that much harder for him to abandon Shirasu despite how he did so to the entire Yamainu before? It may not be entirely logical, but hurt is rarely logical, and Sousei can't help it--it just seems wrong.]

...Then you've learned something over the years. [He'll take that much, he supposes. It's too hard to say anything else, especially when he doesn't necessarily know if he has the right to. But he's not going to force Tenka to respond to that, either. They brushed over it. They've moved on. He has to move on.]

You picked up [...] the Fuuma ninja and saved him. And then?

[Learned something? Has he? Tenka blinks slowly as he recalls something that he'd told Shirasu before on one of his birthdays. "It's why leaving people behind and getting left behind hurt so much I can barely breathe." It makes him stiffen slightly because does Sousei think the decision to leave the Yamainu was easy when Tenka barely even considers it a decision?

At the time, he'd never felt that that he had any other choice, but does he have the right to say that to someone that he abandoned?

To that, Tenka just chuckles quietly. It is subdued and not at all like his usual laughter, but rather a weak attempt at making things okay again, just as he adds softly.]

If you think I found any abandonment was easy, you're wrong.

[He was an idiot for making the choice to leave the Yamainu. Kiiko said it. Even as they were barely out the door, Tenka agreed.

.... But haven't they talked about it enough? Or maybe not even close. Either way, Sousei is pressing Tenka to continue on and... well, he does. He breathes and shakes his head slowly.]

And then we lived as a family. I had a girlfriend once. She broke up with me.

One of the doctors from the secret government division became my personal doctor to give me the Orochi medicine as well as suppressors to try to slow the effects. These too. [He points at the neck brace and gestures to his wrists.]

Soramaru went to school and got tired of it so Shirasu is teaching him now. Chuutarou's going to school now but his marks aren't that good - he needs to study harder.

Shirasu has been helping me find a way to separate the Orochi from the vessel, he's the only one I told about it. My brothers never even heard the word before I...

[he trails off and shrugs]

I go to fancy parties in Kyoto sometimes? They're awful. Really tiring and way too high-maintenance for me.

[It's a lot of information all at once, but ten years is a little hard to really go over once he hit all the major things, Tenka thinks. They were a great ten years as far as he's concerned, filled with laughter and only the occasional hiccup where he had a doctor's appointment or struggled with their Orochi research. And then-]

But I made the bargain with the government before I came back the first time. [Before he split up from the Yamainu.] I could keep on using the Orochi medicine if they could collect data from me and experiment on my body. Then once my mind was devoured by the cells, I'd be executed by the government and my body would be used for further research.

[That didn't happen. But that at least brings them up to speed.]

The fact that I'm alive is as weird to me as it is to you.

[He doesn't respond to that. No, he doesn't think it was an easy decision for Tenka to make--not in the least. Their confrontation was loud, and sharp, and physical, but he could see the pained expression on Tenka's face. It wasn't an easy decision. But it was still the decision he made for all of the reasons he's stated before. Sousei is willing to forgive him for it--has forgiven him for it. But that doesn't mean it's any easier to swallow the fact that, either through learning from his mistakes or because this is that much more important, he refuses to leave behind the person who started this entire problem in the first place.

Better, he thinks, to focus on the ten years he missed. After all, that's important too.

And it's easier to deal with.]

...You have spoiled Chuutarou too much. [That's his initial response to all of it. Poor marks? Should be stricter.] He is intelligent enough. If his marks are poor, he is not trying hard enough.

[That, of all things, he focuses on.

Because Chuutarou is like Tenka when he was a child. And Tenka had been brilliant too, but had never wanted to study, until his father had been stricter on him. What a weird little detail to focus on.]

You try raising a kid on your own and tell me how good he is at school! [TO BE HONEST. And in truth, Tenka lacked an interest in studies so of course that's not what he's going to focus on with his little brothers. All he wanted is for them to be good, kind people who are well-loved. He likes to think that so far, he's succeeded because his brothers are the best.]

Anyway, I try. Go to school [in really gross cross-dressing] to talk to his teachers and everything. Shirasu's the one who really gets the kids to focus and learn at home.

[Tenka's honestly the big distraction like always.

But he has no idea why Sousei is choosing to focus on this one random detail, but he doesn't mind. His mood is already lighter just thinking about times back in the shrine and his brothers. Because there's no doubt in his mind that he misses his brothers more than anything else.]

[Honestly... Sousei would at least make sure they study. (Everyone would know that to be true.) And when he thinks about how Soramaru reacted when he came by for breakfast...

Ah, but he was probably lonely then, without Tenka around.

Hm.]

...That was ten years. [A lot, and yet a little, all at once. A bunch of small stories that he will probably never hear. A lot of the day to day that he will never know of. But nonetheless...ten years right there, too.]

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